:D

2012-01-25T02:40:00.002+08:00

Serene: "Darling, next time when we get married can we get a dog?"

Lyonel: "Yeah sure, we'll get a chihuahua."

"huh.. a chihuahua?"

"And then we can watch it hop around."

"Chihuahuas don't hop, dear."

"They do!!"

2012-01-15T23:47:00.002+08:00

Well, so those of you who know me well enough (well that probably just means having me as a Facebook friend) will probably know that I've just finished planning and completing Bike X 2012.

I'll let the gorgeous photos of my friend L, paint the thousand words, then. :) This is a Hall X night cycling event - Bike X 2012, a ride of no regrets. ♥♥

Rmb: Cycle more, sleep less. :)

2012-01-15T23:23:00.002+08:00

"Let me tell you some things I find productive. Positive reinforcement. Negative reinforcement. Honesty. Let me tell you some things I find unproductive. Constantly worrying about where you stand based on inscrutable social clues and then inevitably reframing it all in an assuring way so you can get to sleep at night. No, I do not believe in that at all. Life is long, opinions change. Winners, prove me right. Losers, prove me wrong." - Robert California, The Office.

New Year's Resolution: To live the next year vicariously through this essence of this quote. To live it with recklessness, with caution to the wind, yet with enough vivacity, enough discipline, enough strength and courage to live this next year to the fullest. Yes, this. This is me.

2012-01-08T23:10:00.002+08:00

In another life, I would be good. I would tumble, freewheel, cartwheel - fly with ease. But it's not to be. I'm not exactly sure when the love and the passion for the quest for perfection became a fruitless pursuit, but I'm tired of this.

I taught myself never to give up, never. Especially in something I feel (felt?) so much passion and love for, for something that finally made me feel like I belonged, after so many years of searching.

But maybe, maybe - it's time to let go. I can't bear to, I can't bear not to. I haven't come to a decision yet, but it's time to decide.

2011-12-29T15:57:00.003+08:00

Trained so hard, and waited so long to prove myself, and it all culminates in a 6-0 loss when your ex-teammates are umpiring - the very people that I've waited all this while to prove myself to. And then there's -

When you're crying your heart out after the lost match and you reject your boyfriend's calls after smsing him you lost your match, and you're hiding somewhere to cry until you feel okay.

And then finding him by your room whilst you were hiding amongst the greenery that seems so abundant in the land of Nanyang.

"Do tell me where you hide next time, alright?"

"*sniffling* The point of hiding is to hide and emo."

"And the point of having me around, dear, is to find you when you hide and emo."

2011-12-22T18:18:00.002+08:00

So I got the results of my first sem. Was aiming for 4.0 and above, and ended up with a 4.00 exactly, which was, I guess, satisfactory. I guess.

Still, God is merciful and it could have been much worse. I vow to work much harder from now on. I came to uni to put my best foot forward and so far, while there have been steps ahead, I guess they weren't the best steps I could have taken.

Each time things get hard, I spend most of my time thinking about broken dreams, and how I wish I was studying what I had hoped for since I was a kid - but I guess this is just life, and we just have to suck it up.

2011-12-12T22:21:00.000+08:00

2011-12-06T14:56:00.002+08:00

Looking through 'The 45 Most Powerful Images Of 2011' (hover mouse if interested) - I couldn't help but be awed by the sheer power of some images. As a communications student, I was once again convinced of my sometime-wavering commitment to this cause that I believe in. For the pure, raw humanity that was present in the very human expressions of loving and losing and longing that was so present in the photos.

Sometimes this is what makes you fight on, you an insignificant one trying and losing your weakening battle against the largeness of life, trying not to dwell in the lightlessness of lost hope. This one's for everything that I ever believed in and still believe in today, these are my favorites of the year:

Mourning a lost son at the reflecting pools memorial where the Twin Towers once stood. For the ones who lose, the lost will always be remembered. For all those who made the ultimate sacrifice, for the ones that died so that we could live.

The first couple to be registered under the same-sex marriage in Manhattan. For the ones who always believed that laws never made their love any less real. This one's for the ones that are discriminated day after day, for the ones dare not to love openly, for the ones who fight love for the sake of their commitment to their religion - never give up, you are loved.

Christians protecting Muslims from hate crimes and attacks so they may pray in peace. This one nearly made me cry, I must admit. Having seen it for the nth time, this picture still speaks to me on a very, very personal level - that religions that face such animosity on the global level and come together and fight for, not with, each other.

Using pepper spray on a peaceful sit in. This one's for the ones who get lost along the way in the fight for peace, find your way back.

Canine Hawkeye lies vigil beside his slain master, a Navy Seal whose helicopter was shot down. This one's to show that love never dies. Never.

A Chinese boy pays his respects to Steve Jobs at an Apple. This one's for the visionaries that light the way, this one's for the ones leave us too soon. We remember.

Kissing his girlfriend after she was knocked down by police riot-controllers. This one's to show that love conquers all.

***

For to love, to lose and to remember - this is what makes us human. And we must never forget that.

2011-11-30T10:28:00.001+08:00

So many things to do after exams :)

But I think top of my list has to be start reading again :) I miss my Jane Eyre :(

2011-11-27T18:42:00.002+08:00

He said, "Son, when you grow up
Would you be the savior of the broken
The beaten and the damned??

He said, "Will you defeat them
Your demons and all the non-believers
The plans that they have made?"

And while that sends you reeling
From decimated dreams
Your misery and hate will kill us all
So paint it black and take it back
Let's shout out loud and clear
Do you fight it to the end?

We hear the call to carry on, we'll carry on

Do or die, you'll never make me
Because the world will never take my heart
Though you try, you'll never break me
We want it all, we wanna play this part

Won't explain or say I'm sorry
I'm unashamed, I'm gonna show my scar
Give a cheer for all the broken
-MCR

This song remains for me what it was for me - Inspirational, even after so many years. :')

2011-11-27T14:29:00.005+08:00

Hey you :) this one's for the ultra cheesy photos, for the bear hugs, for the way you never fail to cheer me up even on the most angst of days, for the times I tell you I really need to study and you spend 3 hours trying to wake me up and all that happens is

Lyonel: "Very late alr, wake up!!"

Serene: (halfway through waking up, angstily) "I'm catching pokemon now, 不要吵我!"

Lyonel: "Wake up la, what pokemon you catching?"

Serene: "Cyndaquil." (rolls back to sleep)

all of them, they told me it would be different when I found a guy who would always put me first, and I never imagined it would be so different. You're an absolute dream to be with :) :) I can't wait til this whole mess of exams is over and we can spend less angsty times together, HAHA :)

Did I mention cheesy photos? :/

Kidding :) ♥

2011-11-23T11:43:00.002+08:00

starting from zero, got nothing to lose, maybe we'll make something -- me, myself, I got nothing to prove.

I could listen to this song forever, especially that one line. So many emotions from the past few days - nerves, sadness, angst, and then happiness, relief and contentment (all with regards to separate issues). And the cycle starts again. One day, after this whole mess of exams is over, I'll write again, make music again - to taste the sky and feel alive again.

This feeling that I want more from life that it can give, this feeling I can't fight. But for now, there's no fighting the powers that will, and it's either this, or to live and die this way.

Thank God for the sweetest things in life, for the times the smallest things can be so immense. This one's for you, you know who you are :)

2011-11-23T08:01:00.003+08:00

Having finished the job with a forehand drive that Nadal could only slice into the tramlines, Federer swatted a celebratory ball into the crowd and gazed around the Arena with a conqueror’s stare. It felt a little like the moment in Gladiator when Russell Crowe raises his arms to the Colosseum, having swiftly despatched a squadron of heavily armoured enemies, and shouts “Are you not entertained?

6-3 6-0 :)

2011-11-21T06:38:00.003+08:00

Having a quarter-life crisis in the late nights spent mugging after the first exam.

All my life, I've chased after grades and maybe when they suddenly decide to abandon me, I just don't know what to do. This ambiguity when everyone else is so sure - is killing me.

2011-11-20T16:52:00.003+08:00

Aww :) I rawr you more :)

2011-11-18T17:20:00.001+08:00

Everyone's going mad hahaha. I am going crazy from the amount of boredom and exhaustion that entails with exam period. Let these few days fly past and let me come out alive.

Dear God give me the strength to keep fighting on

2011-11-12T04:55:00.004+08:00

"曾经想征服全世界
到最后回首才发现
这世界滴滴点点全部都是你"

"我都以为我自己是个超有自信的人，但那时候我才发现，原来在喜欢的女孩面前，我是个胆小鬼”

"拜托，不要告诉我，请让我继续喜欢你"

:')

Oh, 【那些年，我們一起追的女孩】 - It was,

oh it was the loveliest movie in the world, and I absolutely loved it, but watching a movie about loving and losing with 7 single guys - I've never seen so many guys emo together. Seeing the usually outgoing and laughing guys so affected and so emotional also made me rather emo, and it made me think about all the regrets I've had in my love life thus far, and there are so many things I wish I could take back or give more, but I can't.

And I guess that's the way that life works.

2011-11-06T16:44:00.001+08:00

“Fat” is usually the first insult a girl throws at another girl when she wants to hurt her.

I mean, is ‘fat’ really the worst thing a human being can be? Is ‘fat’ worse than ‘vindictive’, ‘jealous’, ‘shallow’, ‘vain’, ‘boring’ or ‘cruel’? Not to me; but then, you might retort, what do I know about the pressure to be skinny? I’m not in the business of being judged on my looks, what with being a writer and earning my living by using my brain…

I went to the British Book Awards that evening. After the award ceremony I bumped into a woman I hadn’t seen for nearly three years. The first thing she said to me? ‘You’ve lost a lot of weight since the last time I saw you!’

‘Well,’ I said, slightly nonplussed, ‘the last time you saw me I’d just had a baby.’

What I felt like saying was, ‘I’ve produced my third child and my sixth novel since I last saw you. Aren’t either of those things more important, more interesting, than my size?’ But no – my waist looked smaller! Forget the kid and the book: finally, something to celebrate!

I’d rather they were independent, interesting, idealistic, kind, opinionated, original, funny – a thousand things, before ‘thin’. And frankly, I’d rather they didn’t give a gust of stinking chihuahua flatulence whether the woman standing next to them has fleshier knees than they do. Let my girls be Hermiones, rather than Pansy Parkinsons.

-J.K Rowling

2011-11-02T04:14:00.002+08:00

It's been an exciting few days :)

With most hall ccas stopped, there's been more time for the stuff and people that I love :) It's about 4:19am in the morning, and I don't want t get too wordy, so I'll let the pictures do the talking :) Photos from block BBQ, and WKW Uniform Day :)

Oh such a feeling's coming over me

There's wonder in almost everything I see

Everything I want the world to be,

Is coming true especially for me.

And the reason is clear, it's because you are here

You're the nearest thing to heaven that I'll see

It's the love that I've found since you've been around

Your love puts me at the top of the world :))

2011-10-30T00:25:00.002+08:00

Well it's been a crazy week of deadlines and thankfully I survived the week. I did miss two deadlines, and one of them has a 10% penalty, but all in all, I'm thankful I made the rest.

Graded presentation

204 product writing deadline

4000 word management essay

St challenge article

100+ article

Discussion thread postings x4

500 word essay

Two online quizzes

So cliched to be complaining about work, but I'm glad I actually made it through all that in the past one week. And it's so obnoxious to write about one's social life, but I'm glad even through all the deadlines (and meeting all of them!!) I did still have time for Halloween celebrations on Monday, and after that, all-night heart-to-heart talks with Lyonel and Elyn, hthts about love and life and 7ate9 card sessions with Lyonel and TL at 6am in the morning (I'm addicted! I know!) and watching dawn break together with L and TL AFTER a whole night of htht, all-night cheerleaders' supper together after the last cheer session before exam break. Why haha, many of my activities seem to be all-nighters. But I guess that's just the way it is :)

And also the amazing block BBQ where was really good food, but where I truly experienced the joy (misery, honestly) of being a true servant leader! (I swear a little part of my arms died that night, that fire was HOT) And some MASSIVE, massive shit-stirring sessions, where my wallpaper is still... HAHA :) you don't need t know.

Of course, everyone knows the triangulation of life in university - you have time for two of three - sleep, social life, and grades. Looking at what I've been through the past week, you'd be right to think I had pretty much quite little sleep. I'm mentally drained, and really feeling definitely the worse for wear, a little under the weather - but I still have to power through it, I guess! No rest for the weary. But through all that, I think this week has been a really good time in terms of friendship -- I've made really good friends and I can't even begin to explain the amount of affection I feel for you guys. :)

First of all to TL and Lyonel: You guys are my buddies forever. :) From all-nighters spent dragging out every single primary school crush, How To Ask Out A Girl 101, current targets of affection - to playing 7ate9 for 999 rounds, to our crazy alliances for Sitting Ducks, to being there for us every cheer session - you guys will be my buddies forever. :)

And

To my darling Razers: yes there's TL and Lyonel again, but this goes out to all of you. I never in my life thought I would be joining a cheerleading squad - never in my freaking life. But from the moment I came down for the first tryouts to accompany Elyn, I never once looked back. There were so many times it hasn't been easy, when I don't learn fast enough, when I keep falling over, and over again, and through all the various injuries, and the DAMN SHAG PT, there's a reason why I keep coming back for more, and the reason is you :) Through all the times I considered quitting because I felt fat, or because I felt I was pulling the team down, I never decided against joining Razers. I don't regret this decision, and you guys keep me going, through all the self-doubt, the self-hate and the injuries. :) And that's Razers love for you.

2011-10-27T01:08:00.001+08:00

Tired of this feeling. :'(

Some things were never meant to fade away....and some things were never meant to be.

2011-10-24T04:08:00.002+08:00

So Samuel posted this on my Facebook today :)

I've read the quote before, and am really quite familiar with it, but it still has its comforting qualities.

2011-10-22T10:54:00.002+08:00

Facebook-

Mixed doubles: Serene, Eugene

Real day-

Ivan: "Serene you're playing first singles."

Serene: "what?!"

Ivan: "(smiles)"

Serene: "I never played singles in my life eh!"

Ivan: "(smiles) there's a first time for everything, Serene."

And a 6-love match against an ivp player sealed the thoroughly traumatic experience.

2011-10-17T00:21:00.003+08:00

Monday:

205 group presentation

Cheer

Aim to finish Term Paper

Start article for 100+ challenge

Email Linda

Finish research for 8501

Start 8601 project planning

Check COM205, CS106 past papers

Tuesday:

5pm meeting at macs

Consultation with Arthur

9pm Bike X meeting, conference room

11pm Hall Swim meeting, comms hall

Start article for S&S Night

Wednesday:

Mandai :)

Guitar lessons

Cheer

Thursday:

Cheer

Halloween judging

Hall 16 tennis friendlies

Friday:

Deadline for Term Paper

Prep for St Challenge

Saturday:

Cover Street Challenge D:

2011-10-16T03:15:00.004+08:00

It's not that I'm discontented that my uni life is just spent chasing grades. It makes me feel that life is more fulfilling that way, because at least grades are tangible.

I just feel a tad........ stressed.

don't stop believing, hold on to that feeling

My religion is suffering as well, I need to take some time off and find my God.

2011-10-15T03:14:00.003+08:00

This ought to be the type of night spent lazing under a warm duvet in a freezing room, reading about the beautiful, laughable (my favourite fictional character) Sherlock Holmes. Jack Johnson playing in the background, the late hour making the eyelids slightly (oh just the little!) heavy, the thought of a full lesson-less day in front of me.

And oh, this is so cliched, to be complaining about homework, and I do detest cliches, but it must be said - instead I'm slaving over a mildly interesting, but thoroughly brain-wrenching term paper on Singapore's foreign policy. Well at least, it's mildly interesting. It's been a tough week. And it'll be a tough weekend, yet.

But there's many things to be looking forward to next week! Free guitar lessons on Wednesday, for one. And well of course on the same day, there's the little trip I've been yearning to make since eons ago to the little land in Mandai where animals dwell. :) I simply must remember to come back in time for guitar lessons, I do so want to learn. And of course, there'll be cheer practice to make up for everything un-nice. And yes, the friendly match against hall 16 on Thursday!

One could almost forget the deadline for the term paper is this Friday :) But of course, I shan't.

2011-10-15T01:28:00.000+08:00

School is absolutely delightful, but it's killing me. I love (well, not every single but) many, many moments of it, but it's killing me. I'm exhausted.

2011-10-11T16:06:00.000+08:00

2011-10-11T03:27:00.003+08:00

Sometimes it gets so exhausting being so hard on myself, but however difficult it is, it beats that feeling of failure.

I just refuse, refuse to bow before mediocrity anymore. It's horrible, and it's exhausting, and I'm just killing myself - (yes indeed for taking on so many commitments) but this is no longer the education system and chances are no longer given.

I need to stay ahead.

and I need to stay on the warpath.

2011-10-10T01:11:00.003+08:00

Oh thank God for this little private space of the internet. Sometimes Facebook gets a little in-your-face.

Sometimes you just want to post something super snarky and bitchy on Facebook, but you stop yourself because, y'know, you have a reputation to uphold.

Sometimes people just make me want to give them a huge online bitch-slap. Yeah I don't like people stirring shit, and I give ten thousand "#LASTWARNING"s, but by the sheer amount of 'last warnings' I happen to give, perhaps any person with reasonable intelligence would be able to deduce that my last warnings probably are just not that - they're not last warnings.

I have my own personal reasons for liking my shit unstirred - for the very reason that all the times shit was stirred about me, it ended in heartbreak - not just heartbreak but also very, very publicly so. And I totally apologize, wholeheartedly sarcastically, - for my (non-sarcastically) wholeheartedly light-hearted attempt to poke fun at your shit stirring and issue all my 'last warnings'

And yes, maybe when you stir shit about other people, yes maybe I can see how my attempts to "eh wth how much shit you wanna stir ah?" could possibly dampen your damn fun, but dammit, I don't see how your shit-stirring about someone correlates to the non-reservation of my right to poke fun at you or your shit-stirring.

If you have the balls to call me uptight and sensitive about shit-stirring, then maybe you don't get to be uptight and sensitive, either, about me telling you to tone it down. Oh yes and get some goddamn tact and tell it to me personally, like how one of you did (which I thank you for) instead of broadcasting to the entire world about our fucking misunderstanding. I don't give balls about you shit-stirring. But hey, yes, when you're stirring shit about me, I reserve my fucking right to protest and give you my 'last warnings', which by now, have turned into nothing more than a figure of speech. I never asked you to stop stirring shit, and all I ever wrote was a fucking one-liner protesting my innocence - so please, stop being the uptight one.

SO, dammit, if you find out it's a misunderstanding, then have the goddamn courtesy to delete your post, instead of letting saying 'ok let u kids fight it out' and leave the whole damn world to find out. Fuck you, seriously.

2011-10-06T13:07:00.004+08:00

Remembering Steve, 1955-2011

"Brave enough to think differently, bold enough to believe he could change the world, and talented enough to do it"
-President Barack Obama

Apple has lost an innovation genius and creative leader, the world has lost a great visionary and a technology titan, and I have lost a personal hero.

But like Michael Jackson, he lives on, not only in our hearts - but in our phones, our computers, our music players. Rest in peace, Steve Jobs, the man who wanted to "put a ding in the universe". You did. RIP.

Now to live my life based on this quote.

2011-10-05T22:39:00.003+08:00

Oh mirror in the sky, what is love?

Can the child within my heart rise above?

This melody of this song has just been playing in my mind recently, so much so that I went to find it on youtube just to listen to it once through. When I finally read the lyrics once through for what they truly were, I honestly think someone up there in the heavens somewhere is watching over me. ;)

For the longest time, I've been handling this heartbreak without knowing how. And finally, I have the answer. The child within my heart has to rise above the hurt. To be mature about the seasons of life. For so long, I've known this theoretical 'time will heal all wounds' but no matter how much I tried to believe in it, the hurt never lessened.

Finally after listening to Fleetwood Mac - the way she sings this song I've known for so long but never listened carefully to - I feel freer than I've been in a long, long time. :) It's a good day. :)

Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?

Can I handle the seasons of my life?

On this note, I just interviewed for FOC chair today. For once I feel that I honestly felt that I did justice to what I strongly felt, and what I strongly believe in what I am and what I can do.

My interviewers did tell me more than once directly that they were impressed with my answers. And so, though I want this position - so very, very much - I do finally feel if someone beats me to the pole position, then he or she - will have thoroughly deserved it. The better man will have won. :)

Well I've been afraid of changing,

because I've built my life around you

But time makes you bolder,

Children get older,

I'm getting older too.

2011-10-02T14:46:00.001+08:00

Today, I learnt the definition of 'badass' while surfing the internet mindlessly.

2011-09-26T04:30:00.002+08:00

Spending my night listening to old Disney songs, and reading a dear friend's blog - I'm determined to rediscover the poetry in life. For one, we could just say there's a thunderstorm raging outside my window now, and I'm absolutely delighted to be safe and warm in my room, tucked up with my laptop. :)

Smiling for no reason, believing wholeheartedly in love like you've never been hurt, pretending fairies live in the garden just a breath away, pretending toys come out in the moonlight to play, and to be amazed in the wonders of dinosaurs, pirates, clouds and whales, just because.

2011-09-23T03:50:00.000+08:00

Listening to Darren Criss late at night makes me less lonely in this empty room of mine. Roomie love, where have you gone? :(

2011-09-23T00:54:00.002+08:00

How do you spell "I'm falling in love with you all over again."?
I'm in love with this guy.

2011-09-21T03:45:00.001+08:00

This feeling I can't fight.

2011-09-18T01:24:00.003+08:00

Sometimes like now I can just collapse on my bed, listening to Adele and feel so unbelievably content. So unbelievably content, that I forget all the things that've gone wrong lately and how I cried myself to sleep.

Creatures of habit, we are. It's the late nights, music, freezing aircon, and the books. Living in the past, with nothing to worry about except a future. And those were the times I actually believed I had a future lying in the path of dreams. The only future I believed I would have.

It's like doing those handstands during cheer. You give it your all and you hold it there. But sooner or later, your arms just can't hold it anymore and you crumple to the floor, folded in a heap. Everyone rushes in, concerned, but soon they fade away when they see you're not hurt.

But just because you don't have a broken arm or leg, doesn't mean you're not hurting, and hurting badly. It doesn't mean you didn't bump your head along the way. Just because someone doesn't seem in pain doesn't mean she isn't.

But I can't break down now. I can't afford to cry now. Now that there's no one here to dry my tears. This is my battle.

But what else is there to do now, but hope?

2011-09-11T04:02:00.002+08:00

Maybe I can't do this anymore.

I miss you too much to keep meeting you and pretending nothing's going on.

2011-08-20T21:25:00.003+08:00

How about I miss you more than just a little? :(

It's sitting and waiting for the bus at Jurong Point, exactly where I was when I said goodbye to you at the end of our very first date. I still remember, that was the first day your hand closed over mind and I walked hand in hand with the one I loved for the first time.

Not a good place to be now that we're apart.

2011-08-05T15:22:00.002+08:00

After all, I'm just a stupid girl waiting for a guy who couldn't care two hoots about her. :( After all this time, I thought things would have changed, but no they havent, and my heart still breaks each day.

2011-08-02T18:21:00.006+08:00

So I'm back from Sports Camp.

I just don't know how to describe the crazy mix of emotions I felt during the camp so I'll just throw it all out one by one.

First of all, in case I sound ungrateful, I just want to say, I did have fun in Sports Camp, and I made so many friendships and memories that I'm sure will last a lifetime. There are just a few things in life, that you can't go through without becoming closer, and Sports Camp was so crazy intense that it brought out the best and worst in everyone, and I'm sure that the friendships I made in Sports Camp are those that will stand the test of tide and time.

As for you, Elyn, I'm so grateful to the stars that aligned so that we were in the same Music World together, even if we weren't in the same OG. I don't think I could have gone through as much as I had gone through if you weren't there with me most of the time. You were so strong, so crazy good at everything, so unafraid, I just followed your example, and I pushed myself through so many things I think I wouldn't have if you weren't there. This shoutout's just to you, Tham, for bringing out the best (however weak that best was) in me.

I've never felt so inadequate. Where everyone was perfect, and going around in just bikinis or sports bras - I was self-conscious and afraid of even taking off my shirt. Where everyone was tall and lean and fit, I was skulking in the background. Where I pushed myself to the very limits of my endurance, I was still the slowest runner in the pack.

Every night before I slept, I felt like shit. I cried and cried and I prayed and prayed even harder that the next day would be a day I could handle. But I never got rid of that feeling - just that feeling of pulling down the entire team because of all my weaknesses, and I never had the feeling that I ever value-added to the team, except maybe when I was swimming. But that was about a 30 second swim in 7 days. Every morning I woke up, insecure and afraid, determined to try my best - but when push came to shove, I was still the weakest link. Everyone just could do everything better than me. Climbing up the hill to the Treetop Walk in Macritchie, everyone just ran up the hill like it was so effortless, and even though I ran and I pushed my limits, the team was still waiting for me when I got to that point.

I just could never get rid of the feeling like I was holding the whole team back from reaching their full potential. Without me, they could have run so much faster, for so much longer without waiting for the stupid puffing red-faced girl lagging behind. I was just so emotional, and when I look back I just despise myself even more for crying so much. It was just so intense that I felt I couldn't handle it, but I guess I should just have sucked it up and shown a brave face to the world. I just hate that I was so weak, and I just showed everyone how weak I was inside. I should have just sucked it up and gone through it without complaint just like everyone else. I just hate that I was so weak physically, and mentally.

I just needed so much encouragement and physical help from my group before I was even able to achieve everything they achieved without help. It just makes me wonder if I am really that weak, that I need so much help? I needed their constant hands on my backs, I needed all their constant "Cmon Serene you can push through this!" and "Cmon Serene ignore the physical pain!" when everyone just did it without any extra help. For someone who prides herself as being a sportswoman, for someone who takes such a great athlete like Federer as her hero, for someone who lives for slogans like "How Bad Do You Want It?" - how could I need so much help? I was just so weak and so on the brink of emotion. I just hate myself for needing that much help. Couldn't I just have been mentally strong enough to push through everything?

I don't see Federer asking for help on court. He gets it done by himself. I've said so many times that there's no point in taking someone as your hero if you don't emulate them. I was supposed to emulate Federer, and I failed Federer, I failed my team, I failed myself. For someone who is so afraid of disappointment, how could I not have just found that immense fear of disappointment and used that to push myself through? How could I have given up so easily that I just kept falling behind my group and causing all of them having to wait for me while I tried my hardest to catch up?

I'd like to think I tried very hard. I had so much physical pain and I was so physically and emotionally drained, that I could probably say I've never pushed myself so hard physically before. I remember after racing up the TCT hill towards the end point, my hands in the hands of my groupmates who were so shagged but still had to accommodate for me being weaker than them - I remember once I crossed the endpoint, my legs were so crazy jelly that I just fell to one side.

I just remember all the guys who were so shagged but still had to take into consideration that they had to cross the finish line with me in tow, and just made the choice to fireman carry me or piggy back me to the finish line. I am crazy grateful to all those who all offered me help, who pulled my sleeves to make me run, to those kind words that slowly pulled my limits further up and further out, to all those who never even asked but just "1, 2, up!" (yes you Optimus Prime) and suddenly I found myself across their shoulders and I could rest - to all those who suffered just because I was so weak - thank you, thank you, thank you.

I'm just a normal, wholly imperfect girl who enjoys sports, the sun, the outdoors. I was never strong enough to join you guys. I tried so hard to push myself, but I still failed you guys. But still, you guys made me achieve what I thought was impossible. I am weak, but I will never forget you guys, and I am so grateful to you guys for a thoroughly impossible to forget 7 days.

为什么来Sports Camp？

来Sports Camp 的意思就是to have fun

Fun 的意思是

Cheer 的时后大声

玩的时候更疯，

Bia 的时候更猛
表现在自己的行动上

Most of all,
为Sports Camp尽全力。

2011-08-02T00:08:00.002+08:00

"Oh my love, it's you that I dream of
Oh my love, since that day.
Somewhere in my heart I'm always,
Dancing with you in the summer rain."

I realized I haven't talked about it on this blog yet, and maybe I can't bear to. But those who know about it, know. And something about this song's lyrics kills me inside everytime I hear it.

2011-06-24T22:22:00.002+08:00

Ignore the angsty title, this is super cute. :) So tempted to go clubbing with the girlfriends tomorrow night! :( But Sunday how! Then I will be totally exhausted by Monday. Huh then Tuesday..

I'm not being very coherent, thinking faster than I type.

2011-06-20T20:26:00.002+08:00

I've loved you all along, oh right from the start. I'd do anything to be held in your arms now and try to make you laugh. But you're a million miles away and I'm just here. Stay safe, dearest, and I'll be right here waiting for you.

2011-06-19T16:23:00.003+08:00

Like a comet pulled from orbit as its passes the sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
Because I knew you, I have been changed for good

Wow so I haven't blogged in a while. Stealing some time now to blog.

I guess its a combination of the current speed (slow) of my computer, which like all things, goes through wear and tear - maybe the huge turmoil on my mind, which consists of issues typically kept within the heart and not blown out of proportion on cyberspace - maybe the job which has pretty long hours and probably has taken its toll on me.

Went out with the old-time girlfriends on Friday, Brennie and Kar, and maybe it was just like times past. But time and tide wait for no man, and it was easy to see how much time had changed us. For once we talked about High School Musical, here came about the finer aspects of the thin line between innocence and relationships.

Sometimes it's so easy to forget that I'm growing up. Sometimes I don't really feel that I'm already out of the Singaporean education system. Growing up hurts. :( It's difficult, but I guess it's something we all have to do. To learn to swallow our feelings and thoughts just because we're supposed to be mature is something I guess I will never understand the reasoning behind.

I guess that's the end of my rather angsty rambling. Let me put something more remotely cheerful.

I know I am who I am today because I knew you

2011-06-05T17:13:00.002+08:00

But it goes against the way
I am to put my human nature down
and let the Spirit take control of all I do.

'Cause when those trials come,
my human nature shouts the thing to do;
and God's soft prompting
can be easily ignored.

Story of the current few days of my life. I need to get back that old relationship with God that once was my life and soul. But sometimes the human in me rebels because everything out there in the world is calling out newer, more fun, more attractive than the life I've always known.

Maybe it's time for some introspection.

2011-05-30T23:06:00.002+08:00

Emily's eyes filled with tears. 'I'm scared,' she whispered, and his throat tightened. 'Where's my mum?'

'Coming,' he said, 'but I'm here now.' He leaned closer, awkwardly slipping his arms around her. He let his eyes drift shut and decided in that instant that for the rest of Emily's life he would be her guardian angel.

2011-05-26T15:45:00.002+08:00

Lit lessons from Elyn.

Lesson 1.

We were at udders and I was using the popart markers to scribble my favourite quotes on the glass walls.

I started writing a verse from dive for dreams:

"trust your heart,
if the seas catch fire;
(and live for love,
though the stars walk backwards)"

Elyn: "Is that by E.E Cummings?"

Impressed, I went "omg yeah! Do you know this poem?"

Elyn: "Uh, no. I just guessed it cos she likes to use brackets."

2011-05-22T19:39:00.002+08:00

I feel a fever and my period coming on at the same time. Best, really, when I have a 9-hour work day and a Esplanade performance to ge through tomorrow. God be with me, godspeed.

2011-05-18T21:36:00.002+08:00

At work today:

One abortion case (the other doctor), one miscarriage (our doctor).

I couldn't help but think about a quote - "That's life - God wants it back", by my godmother at the wake of her husband just a few days back. Seeing a perfectly fine foetus discarded just by the laws of personal desire, and another perfectly fine foetus discarded by the laws of nature - just made me realise how much the concept of Life is just so far out of human minds and hands.

And then Elyn and I visited Fay and we saw her beautiful baby boy - his tiny hands, his tiny feet, his tiny KNEES (they were ADORABLE), his soft, soft hair.

With all the experiences of the entire day, I've never felt more humbled, more human.

2011-05-15T23:40:00.002+08:00

I'm so contented right now at the ending sequence of the Prom Night episode, I just feel like stretching out on my bed like a cat. :) Because -

Sam and Quinn are absolutely stunningly beautiful together.

And because these two, they're lovely, and they're beautiful and they make me believe in love even more than before. They give me hope. :)

I love glee. :)

2011-05-11T02:11:00.002+08:00

I wish I could tie you up in my shoes,
Make you feel unpretty too
I was told I was beautiful,
But what does that mean to you?
Look inside the mirror, who's inside there?
The one with the long hair
Same old me again today

The feeling of sorrow braided into yearning so strong, the outlines curl into little tendrils of nausea. The feeling of when it kills you inside to do something, but you know you'll just have to grit your teeth and bear it, because it's all for the better. When all you want to do is whine and make it just as miserable for whoever made your waking hours such a state, you just clam up and show a smile to the world.

My outsides are cool, my insides are blue

On a much more personal note, I've just had a reality check of sorts, though none so serious, with pertinence to two things I've wanted all my life. For a while back, I thought I was on my way to achieving at least one of them. But what does everything that has happened so far matter if the closest to you say it isn't so? I'm not going to say anymore, my blog isn't the place to throw a self-pity party -- its purposes have never been that. It's just - I guess;

I've never felt just more inadequate in my entire life. ):

2011-05-08T23:41:00.002+08:00

'Turn the hour hand back to when you were holding me.'
-Simple Plan

Sometimes I don't even know what I'm doing wrong. :(

2011-05-05T01:30:00.001+08:00

Baby look it's you!

It's:

1) Baby
2) Cute
3) But undoubtably still an ass.

Just kidding. Ily. :)

2011-04-30T02:31:00.001+08:00

This is Dianna Agron. I want to be her and I want her hair. That's all.

2011-04-29T23:40:00.001+08:00

Feeling better!

Went out, spent a lot of money on pretty things and now I feel fine.

Oh and the nus letter helped. Praise God! God is great. :))

2011-04-23T02:19:00.002+08:00

I just can't shake the nervous feeling of foreboding. So I kept myself busy doing:

Starry night sky nails on my left

and courtesy of Kar's blog,

Newspaper print nails on my right.

The print's blurry because I couldn't find rubbing alcohol to soak my nails in - they're actually soaked in facial toner which doesn't get the newspaper print off nicely.

A bit clumsy, both - but then the objective was just to tire myself out. Just want to curl up in your arms, and bury my face in your shoulder. :( And maybe for a while everything will be alright.

2011-04-22T21:54:00.000+08:00

It's getting frustrating. :( I'm quite frightened.

2011-04-22T02:15:00.000+08:00

AH :D

2011-04-22T01:01:00.002+08:00

Elyn and I were talking about taking an adventure trip to Malaysia and we were discussing all the different things we could do.

S: Horseback trekking?
E: Omg I don't know how to climb a horse.
S: Just put your foot in the stirrup and jump right?
E: *ride
S: Oh. Right.

Elyn's the funniest.

2011-04-21T23:49:00.000+08:00

We all have those days.

2011-04-19T00:13:00.002+08:00

I just signed up for this run. It's in about 20 days, which is crazy. But maybe it's time I started running again. :)

2011-04-18T17:25:00.002+08:00

(watching American Idol)
Me: Ew I hate Crazy James, he sucks
Mum: But he can shout very loud leh

2011-04-16T02:09:00.002+08:00

I just wanted to say -

Blow the candles out,
Looks like it's a solo tonight
I - don't - think I'll be alright.

It's so inane to start missing you every single minute we're apart. I know you have other friends. You're starting school, you're going to be making new friends. But it's just -

All my life - I've never been particularly close to my parents. And as a result - I'd admit, I've often wondered where I'd finally find someone to hold me and quiet me when I cried, to lean against when my whole world feels like its crumbling apart, to call when I wake up in the middle of the darkest night totally unnerved by a nightmare -

and for about 4 months now, you've been that person. I now know how it feels like to walk hand in hand with the one you love, to sit in quietness and watch the night go by, to snuggle up to in the cinemas, to fall into your arms when everything else is wrong; and it feels exactly how it looks like in the movies, or in the songs that people write about. It's been magical - every moment of it, it's everything I've ever dreamt it would be.

I've tried not to be clingy, I've always been particularly irritated by what normally is termed as 'Facebook couples', where the entire life and love of theirs can be found on a couple of status updates with about 9999 comments. And I've tried not to throw around the words "I love you" - lest it loses the significance, importance, and the amount of magic those words mean to me -

But -

I can't help it -
I miss you.
I wish you were here.

I can't imagine a day where I don't have you to turn to. I can't imagine there'll be a day where I'll never feel your arms around me again. I still remember the first time your hand closed around mine, I still remember how I felt the first time we hugged, I still remember how I felt the exact moment you said you loved me for the first time. My heart belongs to you, my dearest, it always has.

I love you.

2011-04-13T17:05:00.004+08:00

When the moon is low,
We can dance in slow motion
And all your tears will subside
All your tears will dry

And long after I’ve gone
You’ll still be humming along
And I will keep you in my mind, the way you make love so fine

We may only have tonight
But til the morning sun you’re mine, all mine
Play the music low,
And sway to the rhythm of love.
-Plain White T's

And if you didn't get it already, I love you. :)

2011-04-01T23:55:00.001+08:00

DIVE FOR DREAMS (E. E. Cummings)

dive for dreams
or a slogan may topple you
(trees are their roots
and wind is wind)
trust your heart
if the seas catch fire
(and live by love
though the stars walk backward)
honour the past
but welcome the future
(and dance your death
away at the wedding)
never mind a world
with its villains or heroes
(for good likes girls
and tomorrow and the earth)
in spite of everything
which breathes and moves, since Doom
(with white longest hands
neating each crease)
will smooth entirely our minds
-before leaving my room
i turn, and (stooping
through the morning) kiss
this pillow, dear
where our heads lived and were.

2011-03-31T01:27:00.001+08:00

Ahahaha hello

You're the cutest :)

2011-03-29T19:50:00.003+08:00

Mi amore vole fe yah;

Love cannot exist without trust.

2011-03-29T17:56:00.005+08:00

He's beautiful! :)

Time to:
~~1. Complete local uni apps~~ yay!
2. Complete Aust uni apps
3. Clean up the computer
4. Clean up my room
5. Write the letter to where it must be sent
6. Resurrect my tumblr.

2011-03-25T20:32:00.005+08:00

So this is what it feels like -

to love someone so much it hurts; and still be so completely contented, because when you're with him you're the happiest you've ever been.

2011-03-10T19:33:00.003+08:00

"Don't worry, parents will always be parents."

If only I were smarter, if only I were thinner, if only I were prettier, if only I won more prizes, if only I got better grades, if only I were every damn thing you guys wanted instead of me.

Yeah, I'll never be perfect enough for you. )):
What do I have to DO to prove myself to you?!

2011-03-05T14:26:00.004+08:00

So I got my results.

All the prayers did make their way to heaven, I'd like to think. I did do better than I feared I would.

The thing is, while my results are definitely above average, I didn't do excellently. That means I did well enough to get into my backup plans which I have SOME interest in, but not well enough to get into my dream school. That does kind of suck. My backup plans are called 'backup' for a reason.

So now the question then is - do I leave everything, and I do mean everything, behind just so I can chase my dreams, or do I stay for everything that's meant anything, including my first love, and chase something that's practical for me?

I've always tried to live a life lacking regrets - but this is one of the moments, I swear, if I could turn back time, I'd have taken my studies more seriously. I'd have cared less about love, and passion and all those things that sound so romantic and so important in books and stories - but ultimately mean nought in real life. It's a bitter time - if I had taken chem more seriously, and not waited til the last moments to improve, if I hadn't worked so hard on GP that ultimately disappointed myself, if -

In any case,

I was taught always to take ownership for my own decisions, and this time, I've got to see past all the disappointment, past all the friends who achieved or qualified for their dreams and goals, and decide my future. I mean, it's not the end of the world, I didn't fail, my future didn't implode in front of me - I'd like to think, even, that I still have a bright future - just not the future that I wanted.

I clearly didn't learn my lesson the first time round. This is 9 points all over again. It's decent but it won't get me where I want most to go. Let me just wallow in my self-hate and binge on Glee and chocolates and then decide where I want to go from here.

Oh dearest, I wish going overseas didn't mean leaving you behind.

2011-02-26T17:23:00.002+08:00

So I'm going out with H tomorrow, which promises to be quite exciting. Spent all my persuasive powers and female charm to finally manage to convince him to bring me to the Night Safari. He didn't quite see the point of spending 32 bucks to watch animals in the dark when the zoo is 12 bucks cheaper. But I've never been there so I am rather looking forward to tomorrow!(:

S: "I've never been to the Night Safari!"
H: "It's the same as the zoo, dear, except the animals at the Night Safari work part-time."

-.-

Ahhhh but I can't wait!!

2011-02-02T02:19:00.001+08:00

She is so beautiful!

Dianna Agron in vintage Chanel
SAG Awards

2011-02-01T22:48:00.002+08:00

I wanted to do a really sarcastic and cutting post about the song Grenade, the lyrics of which I simply cannot stand.

But I'm feeling a little too stressed, depressed and frustrated at the moment. Work is giving me a lot of headaches and heartache. Heartache which I thought was alleviated but apparently is not.

Dear friends in higher places, carry me away from here.

2011-01-25T20:32:00.001+08:00

The life of a teenager.

Sobbing your heart out into your pillow while listening to Faraway. Too many obstacles in our way, here's hoping love finds a way through all that.

2011-01-18T17:42:00.001+08:00

After what happened the last time, I'm never going to be the kind of girl ever again to lay her heart down at any guy's feet. But you're a lovely guy, and that's why it kills me to think that I'm never going to be able to tell you how much you mean to me and how much I care about you.

2011-01-11T09:30:00.001+08:00

"She was doing this because she understood how a world jammed with phones, e-mail and faxes could still leave you feeling utterly alone."

2011-01-10T16:03:00.002+08:00

I'm back from my cruise!

The staff were absolutely lovely (because all of them needed that 'Excellent' on our guest survey forms) but still, they were absolutely delightful. They kept making up our rooms and it was like we stepped out on deck to blow wind for 10 minutes and we'd come back to find our rooms made up and an animal made out of towels on our beds.

We did many things on the ship, like debate whether the sun rose in the east, or the west. After deciding on east, we followed my iPhone's compass to see this gorgeous sunrise! :)

We had formal night in the Romeo and Juliet Dining Hall, which had lovely waiters and lovelier food. :) And there was this China-Chinese waiter who made a Chinese pun about Malacca and waited for us to laugh, and we just gave him blank looks.

It was only after dissecting the joke in English, much to the amusement of the rest of the table, before we laughed.

And we went on deck to blow wind at night.

Of course, there was Malacca, and it was quite a treat to be back with friends, as opposed to with the family.

The ferry ride to Malacca from the cruise ship was nice. There's nothing like closing your eyes, feeling the sea-spray on a rocking ferry painted in bold colours, with weather-beaten seafarers and pretending you're in Narnia, and then opening your eyes and seeing civilization and buildings and cars. :) Ah, the best of both worlds indeed.

We just walked and walked, and we walked from the jetty all the way to Jonkers Street (which is now called Jalan Hang Jebat). My legs ached like crazy by the time I got back but it was pretty nice being in Malacca and the McDonalds had wi-fi!

It was so nostalgic walking past all the historic sites, and remembering all that I was told in sec1 about the mousedeers, and Parameswara and Hang Tua and Hang Jebat. With the family you have the car, and you have the adults around with their spending power and you can go to all the theme parks and the major attractions. It's with friends that you can walk and see the streets slowly, and it was just really quaint.

Anyway I'm back! :) Work starts Thursday morning (groan) I hate working mornings.

2011-01-07T22:03:00.002+08:00

I've been neglecting this space most shamefully. But sleep has been overpowering. Once I reach home after work all I want to do is sleep. And when you wake up in the morning (even if jet lag wakes you up at 5 30am), each morning a splitting headache is enough to drive away all desire for any activities except to lie on my bed and whimper. Which I don't actually do, it's more of wandering around the house like a lost spirit, looking more miserable than a wet hen and whining every time anyone talks to me. Until I take panadol. But then after the 6th straight day of waking up and heading for the medicine drawer, I stopped. Having panadol for breakfast can't be normal, can it?

Anyway it turns out the headaches were because I've been coughing so terribly, apparently my brain is affected by my racking coughs and that causes the perpetual headaches. The coughs started off as an allergic reaction which developed into a lung infection (which got pretty bad - at one time my snot was the exact colour of pandan cake). My eyes are still infected from the allergies though. ): The best thing is I'm allergic to work. Haha.

In any case, I'm off for a cruise with the classmates tmr, will be back Monday. So Ms Tham if you wanna go out Tuesday or Wednesday, and don't want to incur overseas charges pls get me on fb. Thursday and Friday I'm working morning shift so I'm available for dinner too.

Bye people!

2011-01-04T06:58:00.003+08:00

Dear God,

Remember what I prayed to You about last night? I know it was stupid, and I know adults keep telling us that what I prayed about is never the most important thing in life. But my situation kind of sucks now, no matter how trivial my problems kind of are. I'm getting miserable over it. Please solve my problems for me?

Love You
Serene

2011-01-03T11:02:00.001+08:00

Freaking jet lag wakes me up at 5 30am every morning. Damn.

2011-01-01T08:49:00.003+08:00

This is just so that the first thing of the new year is unbelievably gorgeous. :) Yellow does suit his skin tone rather beautifully, even though I think he doesn't like the colour.

So actually, I started this post yesterday, but I was suffering from the combined effects from computer and jet lag, so I gave up. And then I was shagged from work like I've never been shagged before. And today was quite the dramatic one! I was absolutely near collapsing nearing the end of the shift. Luckily, SY and Hermin was there to keep me alive, and I somehow survived until the very end.

This guy here makes me smile even when I'm coughing fit to die. I'm getting rather fond of him.

In any case, I would make my New Year's resolutions just go with the crowd. But I don't even remember last year's resolutions, to tell the truth. For reflections, well - 2010 has been, undoubtedly an easier year than 2009. Yet, once the smoke is removed, glancing off the mirror of the past year, though the failures were (thankfully) fewer, the successes were, too.

Which goes to logic that nothing ventured, nothing gained. In other words, I shall never be perfect if I try to be perfect, for it is in my imperfections that I learn to try harder, and in that, become whole in my potential, and there, I attain the perfection of the peace of mind, and the joy of heart.

In other words, these aren't resolutions, but guidelines, to live a happier existence for the coming year.

1. Open my ears to more music

I've been somewhat of a music snob over the years. I listen to music kind of based on whom the songs were sung by and I've come to realise that there is music that I love out there that I've never heard before, simply because of the fact that I usually make that beeline to bands or singers that I already know or have a track record of songs that I've liked. Most of the time I buy the albums and find out I just like the couple of songs on that record.

I did discover Quietdrive by myself, and that's one band whose music I absolutely love right now. But Glee and also, Sam Tsui have opened my ears to all that music that's out there, and opened my mind to finally grasp the fact that there is so much music to be heard out there, that I absolutely love, and that I just don't know it yet. So if King of Anything, and Marry You, and Dog Days, and Baby It's Cold Outside, are anything to go by; here's to a year of marvellous, as yet unheard of music.

I can't wait.

2. Follow the heart, always.

"Don’t hide yourself in regret, just love yourself and you’re set. I’m on the right track baby, I was Born This Way"
-Lady Gaga

Something most people should know about me is the way I emphasize on following the heart. This year, in the biggest crossroads of my life, probably due to some pretty bad time management around September or October 2010, I'm facing the possibility, probability even, of some pretty monumental failure around March this year.

More so than ever, I want to follow my heart, follow my dreams, and make every decision only for myself, just so I can safely say, that this is my life, this is how it all turned out in the end, and I was the only one to make this mistake and I simply have no one else to blame. If my life turns out to be unfulfilled, or nothing I've dreamt of my entire life, then it is I who have sole ownership for that decision, and that's the only way I can ever live with it.

And so I pray for wisdom, and courage, and serenity.

3. Be nicer

Just, less bitchy thoughts. And eventually I'll turn into a nicer person.

Well, that's the plan anyway.

4. Run races.

Nobody trains for excuses. Just do it.
How bad do you want it? Just do it.
We don't stop for blisters. Just do it.
Just do it. And then do it again.

Like everything else in my life, I live the belief that there is simply no point in inspiration, if its only purpose is to inspire you. It has to inspire that tiny spark, that eventually leads to being a trigger factor in a change. That's what I believe, and I think it's time to start walking the talk.

Up above, those are all Nike slogans. And everytime I put on a Nike shirt, or I see Nike slogans in the shops or on banners, or on Federer's shirts, it truly inspires and makes me believe that the very basis of competition in sport is true - that pain is temporary, and your eyes have to be on the prize. Being in it to win it - to grit your teeth and just do it.

This time, I don't want it to stop there at that spark. I'm determined to let it continue, and

I want to run at least one race next year. It's time to start pushing the limits, and testing the boundaries of how far my physical limitations can bring me. I'm lazy to start, and I'll make a thousand excuses about why I can't train today, but it's time to bring out the Nikes and start hitting the gym.

And then I will run like the wind.

5. Own a mac

I want me one of these pretty babies. I shall name it Llyonne, which is pronounced Lion because I like lions.

That is all.

So those are what I plan for 2011, what are yours?

And people,

May the good Lord keep you, and bless the work of your hands for the coming year.

2010-12-21T08:25:00.005+08:00

Dear all, I'm off! I'll leave you with some funny words I've heard over the past few days. I'll be back on the 31st.

(Daryl and I were at the sports bar)
Bartender: Daryl, will you have your usual?
Daryl: Of course. Serene do you want anything?
Serene: (Looks at menu) I want a hot Milo.
Daryl: We're in a bar, Serene, we drink alcohol.

China ladies at my workplace, they were taking pictures of themselves with everything, they were hugging all the different pillars even though the pillars are identical. They even posed with the dustbins. Anyway they came to me for help,

Lady: Sorry, do you ah spik Chinese ah?
Serene: 可以，可以。
Lady: 我要去看大猫
Serene: 大猫？
Lady: 啊狮子？
Serene: Lion?
Lady's friend: 华文是老虎吧
(so now I'm confused.)
Serene: 你是不是要去动物园？
Lady: 喷水的大猫！
Serene: OH. Merlion.
(After I sent them on their way I realised the Merlion at Sentosa doesn't spout water, it's the one at Marina that does, where our rival is)

And best of all, I was working at the main entrance the other day.
This nicely dressed, intelligent-looking man comes up to me, points at the nicely painted, brightly lit sign saying CASINO as clear as day
"Sorry mam, is the casino here?"

Anyway, yes, I have begun to love my workplace. It's really quite rewarding to be in the service industry, and I do love it so. Yes, I do have to wear two pairs of socks just to avoid blisters and I have to cope with horrible foot aches that standing for 7 hours brings, but I'm beginning to feel a special fondness for the workplace, for the colleagues, in the moments of semi-sleep before I slip off into the darkness. I've been scolded by frkn angmohs with enough F F Fs to light several rainbows, but at the end of the day, it's so rewarding to see the look of gratefulness on people's faces, or to hi-five the small kids, or to make small-talk with the aunties waiting for their buses, or to chat with the colleagues and laugh so so much every day because they are so hilarious, or have the older guys get protective when we tell how the angmohs F F F-ed us or or

It's a nice place,(:

SY's quitting soon. I'm staying on just a while longer than her, I haven't come to a full decision yet, but I like this job dearly and I honestly don't want to quit. Let's see what the road has ahead.

2010-12-20T23:35:00.000+08:00

It was about 1am, yesterday, I had just gotten home after work. I was in the shower; I had my period and a fierce nosebleed at the same time. I got so frustrated with the amount of blood I had to deal with that I saw red.

2010-12-16T23:27:00.002+08:00

I love this so much. This man here is my hero. I love Chris as an actor, and I love his role on Glee and I think the writers deserve a huge thank you for writing his character so well.

2010-12-16T22:45:00.002+08:00

"Don't forget your staff pass or else duh chai-nah man no ahlao yoo go up bahs."

So I'm on my bed, and for the first time in days, I'm not too tired to come online because hallelujah, I'm working afternoon shift tomorrow. I'm just trying to keep my feet off the floor as much as possible because work makes the feet ache like hell.

Firstly, I will never forget staring blearily out of Vivo at 6 30am in the morning thinking we were damn early, and everything still dark and it looks totally deserted, except for the bus stop, where there was a whole line of staff already snaking all the way back, all of them waiting to get to work.

And chai-nah man was already there, I think he's there like 24 hours.

So we reported to today's supervisor, who was really kind and caring, which actually is kind of the company policy and exactly why I love the spirit at my workplace. He was my partner for about an hour after lunch, and he had so much initiative in helping the guests, and he was so professional and friendly. I have crazy amounts of respect for the sups. Yesterday's sup took us around for an orientation, and we got to see like Kungfu Panda and I'm totally in love with the Charlie Chaplin. (:

But nearing the end of my shift, I was checking my walkie about every 7 mins to see how many minutes had passed. My feet were killing me after having stood for about 8 hours, I was coughing like crazy and I had run out of songs that I could remember the lyrics of. So all that clouded my brain were swear words. After we left Sentosa I could hardly walk, I'm not kidding. Every part of my soles were aching and every step I took was (well, not agony), but an ache that seemed to start from my sole and then permeate my entire body.

But I have so much respect for those who do this full-time, because I could never imagine doing that. What was good about the job was the new perspective on all the unseen jobs that go on. I saw and I felt what it was really like to stand, and marshal for long hours. It's hard, but I am determined to continue, because I want to remember this job forever.

I don't know how long this resolve of mine will last before I quit, but I pray for strength to continue because I want to remember these people, when I grow up and I start my career. I want to remember the unseen people in their unseen jobs that make our lives so much easier. And one day, when I get important, or influential enough, these people will be the first people I thank.

2010-12-13T01:20:00.003+08:00

1. Hello this is Roger Federer
2. Bonjour c'est Roger Federer
3. Hallo dies ist Roger Federer
4. Hello dit is Roger Federer

I just watched Federer do a commercial promoting his exhibition match with Rafa in fluent English, fluent French, fluent German and fluent Afrikaans. In the same commercial.

He's amazing, he is. (:

Anyway, Feddyman and the Bull are playing two exhibition matches, one in Zurich (Switzerland) and one in Madrid (Spain) to raise funds for the Roger Federer Foundation, and Fundacion Rafa Nadal. It's a great cause, and although most of my readers probably aren't as large tennis fans as me, I would suppose, it still deserves its fair amount of plugging, so I'm plugging it.

If by any chance this could persuade you,

Watch it.

2010-12-13T00:51:00.002+08:00

"Some people create with words, or with music, or with a brush and paints. I like to make something beautiful when I run. I like to make people stop and say, "I've never seen anyone run like that before." It's more then just a race, it's a style. It's doing something better then anyone else. It's being creative."

If my teammates saw this, they'd probably laugh. But I want to run, I want to run like the wind, and make it look effortless, and beautiful. I want to cover distances, and come back the next day for more.

But there is just this amount of trepidation hanging around the back of my head at the hard work that has to come with it.

I missed it this year. I want to run this race so badly.

2010-12-13T00:32:00.002+08:00

Nelly says:
*shei shei?
*AHH
*im depressed there lah
*ppl there bloody smart oh well
*eh eh eh, are we having a 2gy party?

SCAI says:
*UH.
*i'm serene?
*lol
*was from 2pe btw

Nelly says:
*then why do i dream of you last last night doing the 2gy dance?

Hmmmm. Oh Yusnellie.

2010-12-13T00:15:00.001+08:00

SCAI says:
*ooh
*yeah hmm i found it slow moving but i'm a harry potter fan so i liked it
*who's your favouriteee

emelynn!(: says:
*lord voldermort?

SCAI says:
*HAHAHAHAHA WHY
*i like snape

emelynn!(: says:
*i like ron

SCAI says:
*WHAT

emelynn!(: says:
*snape didnt appear that much

SCAI says:
*WHY
*WHY
*WHY

emelynn!(: says:
*i dont like snape's hair
*i like voldermort hair

SCAI says:
*snape is a very complex character

emelynn!(: says:
*he's bald

SCAI says:
*that's what i was going to say

emelynn!(: says:
*bald is cool
*he doesnt even have hair roots
*thats cooler

2010-12-12T22:05:00.001+08:00

This kind of makes me laugh. They're all using iPhone 4s, it looks like. Dianna Agron took this.

2010-12-11T02:26:00.001+08:00

Love this:

For something less intellectual, here are kids on marriage:

1. HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY?
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10

-No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10

2. WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10

3. HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8

4. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8

5. WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
-Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8

-On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
-- Martin, age 10

6. WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
-When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7

-The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
- - Curt, age 7

-The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
- - Howard, age 8

7. IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9

8. HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favorite is .......

9. HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck.
-- Ricky, age 10

2010-12-10T00:40:00.006+08:00

Old school Simple Plan - You Suck At Love.

This is what drew me to them in the first place, and what made me love and grow with them. This is the first band I ever loved, the first band I ever fell in love with.

In the times of Swift, Gaga, Katy Perry (well, Katy Brand now) and all the other new artists who write songs that so many people relate to, these are the guys who first wrote the lyrics that helped me through the best and worst times of my teen life, and have been through my laughter and my tears, my hopes and my fears,

Guess what, another game over
I got burned but you’re the real loser
I don’t know why I’ve wasted my time with you

After so long, Simple Plan still writes songs that apply so much to my life.
After so long, I'm still a fan. :) I love you Pierre, Chuck, Jeff, David, Seb♥♥
SP ♥♥

David: "See this, this is a BLT (bacon lettuce tomatoes), but it's all vegan. The bacon is actually smoked coconut."
Seb: "Really?"
David: "Yeah it's amazing. You didn't know? Really, no one told you? You thought it was a real BLT?"
Seb: "Yeah someone tells me I'm having a BLT I assume it's a BLT. I dunno maybe I'm wrong."
Pierre: "It's from a vegan place."
Seb: "I see, ah that I did not know. What's the L then? What's the lettuce? What did they use to replace the lettuce?"
Pierre: "Vegans can eat lettuce."
Seb: "What about tomatoes?"
Pierre: "I think... I think tomatoes might have to be replaced."

2010-12-09T01:44:00.002+08:00

This is so perfect, I love them so much. :))

Blaine is so damn DAPPER, it's so adorable.

"I'm in love with him and he's actually gay. Call that progress."

This has made every bad thing and every emotional thought I had today, much better. This two are so cute it was worth waiting til season 2 and all the hissy fits Kurt had to get to this stage. I love Klaine sooo much and I totally love Blaine. I'm fangirling so much but Blaine is so amazing.

2010-12-09T00:51:00.004+08:00

So today was a pretty good day. We sent Oli off and I got to meet my teammates whom I miss so so much. And we talked. And then Daryl called and told me I was pretty during prom. ((: So yeah it was a good day,

but the team confirmed something I never believed in the first place, and while I would never go so far as to say they're my worst fears,

now in the quiet of my room, the reality hits me that the guy I would do anything for last year, now has someone in his heart, and she has his heart as well. I do keep saying he's an ass, and I truly despise him for how shittily he treated me, but somehow, now that I know the statement I doubted all along to be true,

I feel like I care more than I thought I would've

That is all.

2010-12-08T22:56:00.002+08:00

So I just got a call from Daryl, who's obviously been drinking because he called randomly at 11pm to tell me I looked pretty at prom. So that was really strange, but really flattering.(: And he got pretty upset when I asked him whether he was drunk.

Daryl you're my craziest friend but I love you so much. ♥

2010-12-07T03:06:00.002+08:00

Fifa chief Sepp Blatter is clearly desperate to win the Nobel Peace Prize. He believes that football can halt conflicts as it did in World War I between England and Germany on Christmas Day, 1915.

On that poignant occasion, troops lowered their weapons and had a kick-around. Then they put the ball away and started shooting each other again. The offside rule has always upset people.

And Blatter now thinks that in Qatar 2022, Arabs and Jews will join hands and sing "We Are The World" in falsetto voices. Hundreds of Yeats of culpable imperial powers, broken promises and bloodshed could not settle the Middle East Conflict. But Blatter can by opening an envelope. Perhaps we can look forward to Afghanistan 2026, Somalia 2030 and the Mexican Drug Cartels 2034.

There's no issue with the World Cup being held in an Arab nation, it's just that there are middle-Eastern countries marginally more suited than a desert that damages skin quicker than a Hollywood Botox party.

It doesn't help that Qatar is barely bigger than Pulau Ubin. If scientists ever discover oil or gas on Pulau Ubin, Fifa will give the island the World Cup in a heartbeat.

...

Besides, Antarctica ticks every box for a World Cup technical committee, in the sense that it doesn't tick any boxes.

Just like Qatar. It's perfect. Antarctica is burdened by an inhospitable, potentially deadly climate, where the miniscule local population has little interest in football.

...

After six weeks, the warmth generated from within the stadiums may cause the ice to break up and lead to spectators literally falling through the cracks, but that should ease congestion to the passenger vessels needed to take survivors back to Tasmania.

2010-12-07T01:48:00.003+08:00

After prom, I smsed Dad

S: "I'm home." (midnight)
Dad: "So early???"
S: "Is that sarcastic? Yeah, so early."
Dad: "Must b boring. Not so hot after all......... I mean d party."

and there was uh

Keith: "You should go for afterprom."
S: "At butter fac?"
Keith: "Yeah."
S: (without thinking) "Huhhhh no what if I get pregnant?"
*diao*

I think Brittany is influencing me hahaha :)